When the new year doesn’t make you new

As the new year begins, there’s a lot of “fresh start” energy everywhere. New year. New you.

And while I understand that sentiment, I’ve learned that after loss, the new year doesn’t make you someone new. Your loss does. 

If you’ve ever experienced a major loss or life disruption, you know how deeply it can change you. It likely reshaped you in ways you didn’t choose.

This week is my brother Joseph's birthday (January 6) and the anniversary of his passing (January 8). 💔 Fifteen years. It still feels surreal. January has always been a painful marker for me, tied to those dates and to how much changed overnight.

In an instant, my life changed. And so did I.

I didn’t just lose my brother. I lost the version of myself I was before him. Truly, something in me changed forever. He was my other half. I didn’t recognize myself anymore. My values shifted. My priorities changed. The way I moved through the world was different, whether I was ready for that or not.

Loss does that. It changes us in ways we don’t get to plan for.

And this isn’t only about the death of someone we love. A diagnosis. A divorce. A betrayal. A life that suddenly looks nothing like the one you were building.

Sometimes the hardest part isn’t becoming someone new, because that’s already happened. It’s realizing you don’t recognize who you are now… and slowly finding your way back to yourself in this new way.

That’s what I talk about in my latest video on YouTube.

Not from a place of having it all figured out, but from lived experience. I share a grounding question and a few reflections to help you explore who you are now, after everything you’ve been through, especially as a new year begins.

You can watch the video THE NEW YEAR DIDN’T CHANGE YOU, YOUR LOSS DID.

Before I close, I want to honor my brother, Joseph. His life continues to shape who I am, how I show up, and the work I do in the world. Carrying him with me is part of my life now, and always will be. One of the ways I love honoring him is by sharing his music, which I’ve linked here if you want to take a listen :).

Wherever you are this week, whether you’re feeling hopeful about beginning again, tender, or just trying to get through the days, I’m wishing you a meaningful year ahead. One that honors who you’ve been, what you’ve lost, and who you’re becoming.

🖤 If you want more support navigating grief, loss, or a life transition, I offer private 1:1 coaching.
You can schedule a free connection call here:

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I am sharing new videos throughout the holiday season with tools, insights, and grounding support.