Grief I Didn’t Expect This Mother’s Day
I bought this baby onesie a few months after my brother passed away... assuming I would one day have a baby.
I remember grieving so deeply the fact that he wouldn’t be there to meet this future child I imagined— this little soul I felt sure would come.
This Mother’s Day, I’m feeling a new kind of grief I didn’t expect.
As I approach 50 in August, I’m noticing the changes in my body preparing for this cycle to end.
Perimenopause. Time passing.
A window closing that I always assumed would stay cracked open.
I look at this onesie now with a different sadness.
It’s the grief of a life I thought would come.
The grief of maybe never becoming a mother in the way I once thought.
It’s not that I didn’t want children. I did.
I do.
But life unfolded differently—unfulfilled relationships, losing my brother, chasing dreams, always telling myself, “One day."
And now... that "one day" has not come.
At least not in the way I once imagined.
These last few months, I’ve been grieving that.
Deeply.
Not just sadness—but regret, too.
And it’s hard to say out loud, because I know people will want to rush to comfort me:
"You’ve been a mother in so many ways."
And that’s true.
I’ve mothered through my work, my friendships, the way I show up for others.
I’ve mothered my sweet dogs.
I’m open to being a stepmom someday. Maybe even adopting, if life leads me there.
But it’s not the same.
And I think it’s okay to say that.
So this week, I want to hold space for the “childless moms.”
The ones who dreamed of children, but life had other plans.
The ones who didn’t consciously choose childlessness, but ended up here.
The ones who grieve quietly, because they feel like they shouldn’t.
If that’s you—I want you to know... it’s me too.
I know I would’ve been a great mom.
I still believe the soul who would’ve chosen me exists.
Life just had a different story in mind.
And it’s okay to grieve that.
You deserve to be honored, too.
And maybe... there’s still a version of motherhood I haven’t yet imagined.
I’m open.
I’m ready.
To give birth to a new version of myself—
and rewrite my destiny from where I am now.
And you can, too.
If this touched something tender in you...
I want you to know you don’t have to carry it alone!
I offer 1:1 Life Coaching and Grief Coaching for women navigating grief, life transitions, identity shifts and the quiet ache of what didn’t go as planned, while still trying to stay open to what could be.
Schedule a FREE call with me here - I would be happy to connect and explore how I can support you.
If you're not ready for coaching just yet, I also have a free guide called:
“You Are Not Broken, You Are Grieving”
It’s a gentle starting point to help you name where you are—without rushing to fix, reframe, or move on.
Just a moment to be honest with yourself and your heart.
✨ Let’s talk more! Schedule a FREE call with me here.
✨ Download my FREE grief guide ‘You are not Broken, You are Grieving’ here:
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With Love and Gratitude,
